LGBT+ Sex

The wide spectrums of sexualities, bodies and genders that exist are so often excluded when people talk about sex and relationships. Often sex education tends to cover heteronormative topics like penis in vagina penetrative sex, pregnancy risks and STI transmission. Traditional sex education often fails to include everyone in the conversation. We’re going to try to break that trend in this blog about sex for LGBT+ History Month where we’ll explore what sex means to different people, consent, safe sex and pleasure.

Sex - Check in - define what sex means to you

Sex is normal and natural and can be important in a relationship. To begin with it’s important to point out that sex can mean different things to different people. There are a number of different types of sexual activity which means that it’s really important that you are aware of what it means to you when talking about sex and being open about this with your partner/s and also exploring what sex means to them too.

Consent

When people talk about consent I think it’s important that these conversations include enthusiastic active consent. Ensuring that you have talked about what consent means to you, that you have an understanding the legalities of consent, and communicating consent is vital before engaging in any sexual activity to ensure that you have the best possible experience. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, this means that you need to be constantly checking in with each other and paying attention to their body language. Ensuring that you are both/all into what you are doing and making sure that everyone enjoy the experience is key. Remember these conversations are an opportunity for you to communicate what sex means to you, what you like, what you’re interested in and which things feel good to you. Always keep it consensual, ask permission before initiating any sexual touch and continue checking in throughout the encounter. Don’t forget that talking about how it went afterwards allows you to exchange feedback enabling you to build upon the experience and enables you to feel safe and able to share your preferences. If you’re interested in learning more about consent then Brook offer a free Introduction to Consent course, all you need to do is create an account on Brook Learn and away you go. Check it out here: Brook Learn Consent.

Safer Sex

Protection is so important whatever kind of sex you’re into. Anyone can get an STI and so it’s a great idea to think about contraception and have the conversation before any sexual activity begins.

Hormones are important, this can sometimes be a deciding factor in which contraceptive methods will work for you. Remember that even if you’re on hormones and transitioning if there’s an egg creating partner and a sperm producing partner in the mix then there is still a risk of unwanted pregnancy so remember to use condoms. It’s also worth noting that whether you’re starting or ending hormone therapy, it can have an impact on your sexual response, your desire levels, your emotions and even your sexual orientation – don’t be surprised if changes occur. Ensure that you have access to support to discuss these changes.

Condoms can help reduce pregnancy risk and STI transmission for all kind of penetrative penis sex vaginal, anal, and oral. It’s really important that you learn how to use them correctly. Condoms can also be used to put on sex toys too and they can even be cut to flatten out and make a dental dam. Gloves can also be used for safer sex, latex or non-latex if you’re allergic are available. Gloves can prevent the transmission of fluids and can also help protect delicate tissues from rough/sharp nails.

Lube is a great addition to all kinds of sex. A good water-based lube should meet all of your needs, it’s safe to use with condoms, reduces friction, decreases the chances of tearing condoms, gloves or skin and can create a more pleasurable experience for all involved. Anal sex particularly benefits from lube as the anus doesn’t self-lubricate in the same way as a vagina.

Sex Toys

When buying sex toys, it’s a good idea to think about the kind of material a toy is made out of. Medical grade silicone, stainless steel and glass are all non-porous materials, which means that they can be easily washed. You can purchase sex toy cleaning fluid if you like although soap and water should do the job. It’s important to wash sex toys between uses, between orifices and between partners.

STI’s

A sexually transmitted infection (STI) is basically any kind of bacterial or viral infection which can be passed on through unprotected sexual contact. Anyone can get an STI. Some STIs are easily curable with medication, others may be permanent but can be managed. It is important to seek treatment as if left untreated then there can be long term affects. It’s easy to get tested, even during lockdown you can order home testing kits which mean you can get a testing kit posted to your home, you complete the tests and then post them back, you’ll then receive your results within 2 weeks via text message. To find out more go to: https://www.friskywales.org/chlamydia-and-gonorrhoea-home-testing-pilot.html.

Pleasure

Pleasure is the main reason people have sex. Giving and receiving pleasure is an important part of a sexual relationship. This begins by knowing yourself, your preferences, what makes you tick and your boundaries. It also includes talking to your partner/s about their preferences, likes and boundaries too. What is it you want out of a sexual experience? Having this conversation before things escalate to that level is super important as it ensures you know what everyone likes. Making sure that everyone involved in the sexual encounter has a pleasurable experience is so important.

Further reading:

https://www.friskywales.org/chlamydia-and-gonorrhoea-home-testing-pilot.html

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-have-queer-sex

https://www.youthhelp.net/sexual-activity

https://www.brook.org.uk/topics/stis/

https://learn.brook.org.uk/login/index.php